You’re ENGAGED. Pop the bubbly and let the constant celebrations commence. This is the most exciting time of your life so make sure you enjoy! One of the first things you will want to think about, and one of the first things to complete on our complete Bridebook.co.uk wedding checklist is who you want to celebrate your big day with. We can keep track of all of your invitees, their RSVPs, and their plus ones on our incredible guestlist tool – but we (sadly) can’t make the decisions for you as to who to invite and who not to! So here are our top tips on how to have a stress-free guestlist discussion – think exciting boozy gathering to write down all the people you know and love (rather than a battle of the families!):
1) Who is paying
Consider who is paying and what your budget is. Then work out what kind of shin dig you’re after – small and intimate or one HUGE party. Our budget tool is super useful for working out what needs paying for, so use these sections as talking points for when you then bring in the families. If both families are contributing financially, they should be given a number of guests that they can invite, especially if it is a big wedding. If you are paying, then do whatever YOU ultimately want. Either way, make sure you get across the kind of party you want for your big day.
2) Who gets what
The traditional way of dividing guests used to be 50% to the couple, and 25% to each family. If one family has a huge amount of cousins, this doesn’t really work. And if another family is contributing the full whack, this also may not work. Our advice is to work out what kind of wedding YOU want, decide on your favourite guests and divide the rest accordingly between your families. This way, everyone will feel included and happy!
3) Be Considerate
Try and be as fair as you possibly can; that is the only way to avoid resentment, hurt feelings and arguments. If you are forced to cut back on guest numbers, make sure to cut equally from each side, your own included, not just those of your future in-laws. You’re inviting a huge bunch of people to the party of the century – how fun, but just be sensitive to everyone’s requests!
4) Take time to bond before the big day
If your parents or in-laws are inviting someone you don’t know as well (or don’t like!), it’s nice to make time to meet them and try to get to know them better before W-Day. Your wedding is a special occasion and you want to be surrounded by people you know, besides, the guest will feel especially welcomed and comfortable if you’ve made that effort.
Guest lists and families can be tricky, but stick to our advice, be polite and considerate and you will find the task ahead of you immeasurably easier and lots of fun. You get to sit down with your family and loved one, put together a list of all the epic people in your life and then invite them to one huge party.
Nailing your guestlist is crucial, which is why we have a big ol’ guestlist tool to make it super easy for you to keep track. One of the big questions with guestlists is whether you’ll invite children to your day: and if you’re keen to invite a long list of little ones to your wedding, then look forward to adorable photos and ‘awwww’ moments. However, kids will be kids – you can’t expect them to be angels throughout an entire ceremony, speeches and dinner. Some adults aren’t! But we know exactly how to keep them acting cute – so here are our top tips. Make sure to add any extras you need to buy or complete to your Bridebook wedding checklist!
During the ceremony
If you are including children in your ceremony, like pageboys and flower girls, then make sure you allocate some seats for them, as they will get tired! Get them down the aisle and into those seats. Allocating a bridesmaid or someone to keep them in line helps a lot! Another idea is sneaking in some books or even an iPad for some silent entertainment. This can get the children through the ceremony so you don’t have to worry about them.
Seating children for the Wedding Breakfast
There are two ways to do this: sit the kids with their parents or have a separate table for them. Consider their ages and decide if the kids-only table would need supervision (details on getting help at the bottom). Children love having a little table for themselves, as it makes them feel special and allows them to entertain each other. This also means the parents can actually have some time out and party with the big boys!
Make a crafts station
Let the munchkins put their imaginations to good use – give them some crayons and paper and let them go crazy. They’ll make for super cute mementos. Alternatively, Cupcake stations or balloon-making stations are ace! Make some bare cupcakes and let the kids decorate them with edible sparkles and a bit of icing, or give the kids some balloons, some instructions and leave them to make cats, dogs, hats and whatever else they can think of (with someone supervising air provision, of course). Just don’t give them anything that can stain – we want you to get your deposit back, don’t we!
Favours
Are you providing favours for the adults? Definitely consider providing some for the kids! Colouring books, quizzes and games of I-Spy go a really long way. Make sure you have prizes for everyone who completes a quiz – otherwise things could get manic!
Lawn games
We love lawn games! For an outdoor wedding, think about hiring croquet or giant jenga. These are perfect for the kids (and the adults!) and means you probably won’t see them for the rest of the night – job done.
Hiring entertainers
A magician or clown can keep kids captivated for hours! We advise you to avoid face-painting artists, because white dress… painted hands…the horror. If you’re worried about your budget, maybe someone you know will take on the role!
Create an area
Indoor wedding? Try creating a space for the kids – find somewhere you can make a sectioned off area, or perhaps there’s a little room off the main reception area. Stock it with board games, Twister, balloons, ribbons and even put a film on! Nothing will keep kids as entertained as a classic Disney movie and a game of Twister on the side. Bonus point: parents can use it as a changing station or when they start feeling cranky!
Dance your (little) socks off
A cute idea is to have a kids-only dance after the official First Dance. Most kids love dancing and having all the attention on them! They will also look pretty adorable – good for the snaps.
Nannies
If you can find a trust-worthy teenager, or know that a Granny would love nothing better than to look after the kids for the evening enlist their help. This way, parents will be able to enjoy themselves and not have to worry about the little ones.
Inviting children to a wedding can be wonderful. For some couples, they add something indescribably sweet to the proceedings, as well as priceless moments that rehearsed entertainment simply can’t offer. However, for others, children equal crying, tantrums and screaming – and can totally cramp your day’s style. As well as being the #1 UK Wedding Planning App, we want to be your pocket guide to wedding etiquette, to help you navigate the narrow nuances of invites. So whichever camp you’re in, here is our etiquette guide:
If you are including children:
1) This does not mean that every single child of every guest has to be welcome. You can always choose to have just the children of close relatives and friends, or just the pageboy and flower girl in the ceremony.
2) Clarify that children are invited in your invitation – address the invite to Mr and Mrs Windsor and George and Lottie. That way there’s no room for misinterpretation.
3) Make sure you organise the children at your wedding: seat the parents and children on the same tables, or have a separate table. Get some activity packs for their place settings to keep them occupied and having fun!
4) Remember to order special meals for them if they require it – you don’t want the oysters wasted on a little munchkin if all they want is a Fruit Shoot and some chicken. With our amazing free Guest List tool, it’s really easy to keep track of them all, who they’re coming with and thus how many meals you need to order in.
If you are not including children:
1) Try to avoid saying “NO SMELLY SCREAMING RUG RATS” on the invite and make a note that ‘Unfortunately children are not invited’ or something along those lines. If someone still RSVP’s with the names of their children, ring them up and politely explain why you chose not to have children at your wedding. They’ll completely understand – and if they don’t, steel yourself for the fact that they may come as a package. If the children aren’t invited, they may not come either.
2) If you know you are inviting couples with young children, give them plenty of warning to organise themselves, especially if they need to hire a babysitter.
3) Consider if you have any nursing mothers on the guest list. Their lovely little ones require different treatment, considering they may not be able to be left at home under someone else’s care. Investigate a nearby room where the baby may be able to be taken to sleep in close proximity to their parents so they’re able to check in regularly, but still enjoy the festivities.
Planning a wedding is super fun but it’s a pretty big deal. There’s a lot to do, which is why we’ve developed these completely free wedding planning tools to help keep on top of everything. On the day, however, you probably don’t want to be checking any screens, you just want to be able to focus on looking mind-blowing for your lover and savour the moments before hand – not thinking about where the napkins should go. To solve this, say hello to your wedding team – they’re in place so that once you reach the big day, you won’t have to think about anything other than you and your beloved. It’s a big role, and it can carry big responsibilities. If you’re having trouble deciding who to pick, here’s our introduction to the necessary crew and our tips on how to pick the best candidates. And yes, it is a job (on top of being an honour, of course)!
The Team:
Maid Of Honour
Best Man
Bridesmaids (number optional)
Ushers (traditionally, one per 50 guests, but flexible)
Ring bearer (optional)
Flower girls (optional)
Both sets of parents
Tips On Picking The Team:
1) The most important roles are those of the Maid of Honour and the Best Man – they are your rocks. They tend to be the closest people to the bride and groom, and hopefully the most responsible and organised. They will be required to help out with any number of tasks – but mainly to provide emotional support for the couple and be the point of contact on the wedding day. Why not take them out for a nice dinner and ask them properly – like another proposal!
2) Your Maid of Honour is, most likely, your closest friend, your wingwoman. Not only does she need to be organised and reliable, but most importantly you’re going to need her when things get emotional or overwhelming –and someone needs to pass you the tissues. She probably knows you better than anyone, so will know exactly what to do and always have your back.
3) When choosing your Best Man, think about him doing the speech! While we all know his banter is the comedy highlight of the pub on a Friday night, it may not be as hilarious in front of granny! We advise the BM reads our guide to a successful speech here – then obviously he will nail it! Nowadays some grooms choose two Best Men – one for the speech giving and organising, and another too naughty for either of those responsibilities. And who says your Maid of Honour couldn’t do a speech too?
4) Don’t feel that you have to only have women for bridesmaids and men for ushers. It’s all about who supports you the most, and that knows no gender – increasingly, wedding parties are having bridesmen and groomswomen and they look awesome!
5) Make sure you choose people who will understand their duties and what is expected of them. If they think they’re just in it to wear a pretty dress and sashay down the aisle, they may be mistaken! Dedicate time to brief them properly in advance of the wedding and address any queries that they might have. Once you’re all clear on what’s expected, make sure you go through your suppliers and let them know who to talk to on the day should there be any issues. With their help everything will run smoothly and they can hit the party extra hard knowing they did their bit for their best friends!
6) It’s a nice idea to get all of the wedding party together before the big day. Crack open the bubbly, make sure everyone is introduced and they’ll be best friends in no time. Keep an eye on the ushers around the bridesmaids and look forward to one helluva party!
Hamish Shephard is the founder and CEO of Bridebook, the UK’s leading #1 wedding planning app. A qualified wedding planner, Hamish is considered one of the UK’s most prominent wedding experts. View Hamish’s full author bio here.
We all know that as soon as a couple starts to plan their wedding, costs can start to spiral out of control. Luxurious celebrity weddings start to sneak onto your mood boards (hi, Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas – how did you get there?) and suddenly, things you never knew you wanted become non-negotiable. Next thing you know, your budget – and your stress levels – are sky-high.
But here’s the good news. First of all, we’ve created an incredibly powerful Budget Calculator to help you get your budget straight from the start. And secondly, here at Bridebook, we’ve been doing this for a while. We’ve got hundreds of money-saving hacks up our sleeve to help you create the wedding day of your dreams – without making your budget a nightmare! Here are some of our top tips:
1. Get Savvy
If you’re a couple on a tight budget, there’s no two ways about it: it’s time to start bargain hunting. The harder you look and the more creative you get, the more you’ll save. Did you spot some cute plants at a friend’s house that would be perfect in the corner of your marquee? Ask them where they found them – or better yet, see if you can borrow them for the day! Looking for accessories to take your wedding party’s outfits to the next level? Find out what they already own, then hit up the charity shops to see if you can complete their looks at cut price. And always be upfront with your venue about your financial situation. You never know – they might already have that perfect statement piece you’re searching for and be able to rent it to you at a competitive rate.
2. Do Some DIY
Depending on what sort of wedding you’re dreaming of, DIY might be cheaper. Search our fantastic wedding venue directory for “blank space” venues. These are venues that don’t have any particularly prominent features so they’re super versatile. They’re literally a blank canvas for you to do whatever you want with. While you might think that would end up more expensive, it can be the opposite. You won’t need to spend any extra money hiding features you don’t like or battling against a pre-existing style. Instead, you have all the freedom to bring in your own elements and create a wedding that’s truly unique and truly “you.”
3. Hit the Sales
Hit up the sales! Remember, alcohol doesn’t go off – so whenever you’re having your wedding, we recommend buying any alcohol you need just after Christmas or around the summer bank holidays. It’s also worth keeping your eyes peeled year-round for bargains on wedding fashion, decorations and favours. Elbows at the ready!
4. Read the Fine Print
Read through all your contracts carefully. Watch out for hidden costs before you sign anything – and make sure to ask for clarification of anything you’re unsure about in writing. You don’t want to have a nasty surprise when you get the bill through after your big day and find out the service charge wasn’t included…
5. Hire a Newbie
Consider taking a punt on a supplier who’s just starting out. More established suppliers will charge a premium since they have more experience and are likely in higher demand. New suppliers, on the other hand, will tend to offer you a good deal since they’re looking to get their name out there. Remember, they could be the next wedding superstar – and you could get them at a cut price before they’re booked up for the next decade!
6. Hire a Wedding Planner
Consider hiring a wedding planner. Adding in this extra cost might sound counter-intuitive but it could work out in your favour in the long run. Wedding planners have invaluable industry connections and a knack for haggling down prices – so they’ll have likely have access to deals us mere mortals can only dream of!
7. Build Your Credit
It’s a bit of a sneaky one and won’t save you money now… But if you’re using a credit card for your wedding purchases, make sure to get one that lets you collect air miles. By the time you’ve bought everything for your big day, you’ll be well on the way to getting your honeymoon for free!
The average UK salary is £29,588 and when you consider rent/mortgage payments and the ever-increasing cost of living, paying for your upcoming wedding can feel rather daunting.
But don’t panic! We’ve got a super powerful budget tool which uses thousands of couples’ real budgets to estimate the total cost of your wedding and then break that down so you have a good idea of exactly what each part will cost. We also have an in-depth guide to saving money on your wedding which is filled with cost-cutting tips.
But, if you’re looking to do things a little more traditionally, and get generous family members involved, who pays for what in a wedding?
Some families offer to help the newlyweds-to-be celebrate the most magical day of their lives, and we’re here to give you the lowdown on who traditionally (a big emphasis on the traditionally… it is 2023 after all) pays for what. Once you’ve calculated your budget and seen how much everything’s going to cost, you and your partner can both let your families know what they can help with. At the end of the day, it’s whatever works for you and your family.
If you don’t want to know about the whys and hows of these costs and want to get straight into what each side of the family should pay for, skip ahead to our quick reference cheat sheet!
Once upon a time, a bride’s family paid the groom or his family a dowry to help the couple establish their new life as newlyweds. This hasn’t been a part of British culture since the 19th century, but has evolved into the tradition that the bride’s family will stump up for a large portion of the bill when it comes to the wedding itself.
Once again, beliefs and expectations have evolved, and in the 21st century, it’s no longer the case that the bride’s family are expected to pay. Now, in the UK and many cultures around the world, the bride’s family and the groom’s family – as well as the couple themselves – can help pay for a wedding.
But, as revealed by our annual UK Wedding Report, with modern couples generally getting married a little later in life (and therefore having higher-paid jobs and more savings), a third of couples pay for their entire wedding themselves.
That still leaves two-thirds of couples who need a little extra help. So, the modern way to split paying for a wedding looks a little something like this:
Bride’s family – 25%
Groom’s family – 25%
The couple – 50%
With this in mind, based on the average cost of a wedding being £19,184, that still leaves you with close to £10,000 you might have to save yourself – and that’s if your family can lend a hand.
Should you ask the bride’s family to pay for your wedding?
While it may have once been the traditional way to pay for a wedding (particularly among the Georgian upper classes), you should only ask the bride’s family to pay for your wedding if you know they can comfortably afford it. The same goes for asking the groom’s family. You’ll want to make sure they’re fully on board with your marriage plans, which might mean a lot of buttering up and being an exemplary son or daughter and future in-law.
The important thing to remember is not to go in expecting anyone to pay. Talking about money is personal, private and sometimes awkward. But, it can be done carefully without causing friction. For more information, read our guide on how to talk wedding budgets with your parents.
Who traditionally pays for different parts of a wedding in the UK?
If you’re lucky enough to have family who want to help you pay for your wedding, then the below guide should give you an indication of who might pay for what.
Before we dive in, each of these traditions is based on there being a bride and groom. Many modern couples have two grooms or two brides – or perhaps neither. If you’re an LGBTQ+ couple planning your big day, we recommend that you try to evenly split what you ask your families to pay for and use the below as a rough guide.
Who traditionally pays for an engagement party?
This expense is traditionally covered by the bride’s family since they often host the engagement party at their house as a way to welcome and bring together the two families (often for the first time). However, whichever family is feeling the most generous can offer to host or throw the engagement party. It all depends on space, funds and who wants to do the clearing up afterwards.
Who traditionally pays for the rehearsal dinner?
Since the bride’s family pays for the engagement party, the rehearsal dinner is traditionally paid for by the groom’s parents. They should only spend what they’re comfortable with, however, and hosting a small soirée the day before the wedding is more than enough.
In the UK, rehearsal dinners aren’t exactly common, so you may ask for this contribution to go towards the big day itself, instead.
Who traditionally pays for the wedding venue?
The venue is usually the single biggest expenditure of your entire wedding, and no one is pleased to be handed an invoice with that many zeros on it. Traditionally, this would be something that the bride’s parents would pay for and covers the cost of the ceremony itself.
Because the average wedding venue costs between £7,000 and £8,000, this can be a heck of a cost to expect one family to pay for alone. So, for more modern weddings, this is something that many families – together with the couple – split the bill for.
This is another cost that traditionally lies with the bride’s family, which includes the cost of canapés, the breakfast and the evening buffet. The good news is that it’s not traditional for the bride’s parents to cover the cost of an open bar, with most weddings having a cash bar so guests pay for their own drinks.
The bride’s family traditionally pays for the wedding reception, though the costs do cross over with that of the venue, entertainment, decor and food.
Because of this, the more modern take on it is to split the cost between the bride’s and groom’s families, as well as the couple themselves.
Who traditionally pays for wedding transport?
Traditionally, wedding transport is paid for by both families. If you’re hiring transport for your guests, for example, a Big Red Bus, then this isn’t traditionally something your guests will be expected to pay for.
Who traditionally pays for a wedding photographer or videographer?
Your wedding photographer (and/or videographer if you choose to hire one) is traditionally paid for by the bride’s family.
For modern weddings, this might be something that the couple prefers to pay for themselves. Find out more about the cost of a wedding photographer and videographer in our dedicated guides.
Who traditionally pays for wedding flowers?
Traditionally, the groom pays for the bride’s bouquet. For an extra romantic twist, the groom could even pick wildflowers to be included as well. On the other hand, the bride’s side of the family will traditionally pay for all the floral decorations. Read our guide to choosing wedding flowers for more information on the types of flowers you might want at your wedding.
For modern weddings, the flowers are something that the couple will pay for, including the bouquet and floral decorations. Discover how much this might set you back in our post on the cost of wedding flowers.
Who traditionally pays for the wedding cake?
The wedding cake is traditionally paid for by the bride’s family, but this isn’t a tradition stuck to quite as closely as others. Many couples now choose to pay for their own cake, in part due to the traditions involved with cutting the cake and how it represents sharing everything. Learn more about the cost of a wedding cake here.
Who traditionally pays for the wedding dress?
One of the most closely stuck-to traditions is that the bride’s family will pay for the wedding dress. This also includes any accessories the bride may wear, such as a veil, a bag and shoes.
For modern weddings, the bride may want to pay for her own dress. But, the bridal party are still encouraged to attend fittings for all the fun and excitement that goes with it.
The groom’s family would traditionally pay for the groom’s suit and any accessories, such as a tie, shoes and pocket square. Nowadays, it’s more likely to be one of the expenses that the groom will take care of himself.
Traditionally, the cost of the wedding rings is split between the two families. But, wedding rings are super personal – they’re pieces of jewellery the two of you will likely wear all day for the rest of your lives and have a huge amount of meaning. For that reason, many couples choose to pay for their wedding rings themselves these days.
Traditionally, whoever proposes is the one who will pay for the engagement ring. It’s also tradition for the ring to cost the same as one, two or even three month’s salary, but with the average monthly income being £2,466, that would be one heck of a diamond! Another option is to use a family heirloom which has been passed down from parents or grandparents.
Some modern couples will buy an engagement ring together. This might take away the element of surprise when it comes to the proposal itself, but it can be a lot of fun shopping for an engagement ring together. Other couples might choose to wear an engagement ring each, and those who do this might pay for the rings together.
For more information, read our post on how much does an engagement ring cost?
Who traditionally pays for the bridesmaids’ dresses?
The bride’s side of the family traditionally pays for the bridesmaids’ dresses. But, with modern weddings, it’s becoming more common for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. It really depends on what your budget is, the type of dresses you want your bridesmaids to wear, and whether or not that’s within their price range. To avoid confusion later, we’d recommend discussing this as early as possible with your wedding squad.
Unless they’ll be matching or require special suits, the ushers traditionally pay for their own attire. If the suits need to be tailor-made, however, it’s an expense that the groom’s side should cover.
Who pays for wedding guests’ accommodation?
Traditionally, each side of the family pays for their own guests’ accommodation. However, this really depends on what the families are comfortable with, as most guests pay for their own accommodation nowadays. Most hotels charge north of £100 a night, and if you decide to cover the bill that could set you back thousands. Thankfully, very few couples offer to pay for their guests’ accommodation, so it’s not something they’ll expect. Just make sure you mention this on your information sheet.
Who traditionally pays for a hen party?
Traditionally, the hens will pay for most aspects of a hen party, with the maid of honour taking the responsibility of arranging everything and making those important bookings.
Today, there are no set rules – it entirely depends on budgets and plans. Make sure you and your hens discuss all your options and what everyone expects early on.
Who traditionally pays for a stag do?
It’s tradition for the groomsmen attending the stag do to pay, but it all depends on budgets and what the planned activities are. For something more expensive, like a trip abroad which might be more expensive, it’s fine to ask the groom to contribute towards costs.
Who traditionally pays for a honeymoon?
Traditionally, it’s the groom who pays for the honeymoon. But, the average honeymoon costs £4,200, so this is no easy feat. Today, however, most couples split the cost, with many also asking for donations towards their honeymoon instead of wedding gifts. This is a relatively new tradition, which likely stems from the fact that people are generally getting married later and often already live together by the time they tie the knot. That means they probably don’t need (or want) a new toaster or a 24-piece dinnerware set!
Traditionally, the groom’s family doesn’t have to pay as many wedding-related costs, but there are still plenty of ways they can get their hands in their pockets:
The groom’s outfit
The best man’s suit and ushers’ outfits (NB. As with the bridesmaids, these now tend to be bought by the groomsmen themselves)
Groom’s going-away outfit
Transportation to the ceremony for the groom and best man
Transportation for the bride and groom from the reception venue
Buttonholes for all the groomsmen
Civil or religious ceremony fees
Church fees (plus any extras like church music and bell ringing)
Registration office and other venue fees
Passports and visas for the honeymoon
Travel and accommodation for the honeymoon
Spending money for the honeymoon
Travel insurance for the honeymoon
Bride’s engagement and wedding rings
Presents for the bridesmaids, ushers and best man
Presents for the bride’s parents
Press announcement for the wedding
Wedding night hotel fees
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While some couples and their families choose to abide by traditions, things are quickly changing, so you shouldn’t feel obliged to stick to any of them. It’s down to you and your family to decide who pays for what, so everyone feels included and no one feels pressured to spend beyond their means. For money-saving tips from the experts, remember to read our ultimate wedding cost-cutting guide.
Budgeting is a crucial part of wedding planning. In the UK, the average cost of a wedding is £20,775, which is a heck of a lot of money to save for any couple. That leaves many with no other choice than to ask their parents to help them. And there’s nothing wrong with asking your parents for help, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a difficult conversation to have.
If this is you, then there are some potentially awkward conversations in your future. If you think you may need to discuss the money aspect of your upcoming nuptials with your parents, there are ways to approach it carefully so you don’t feel too shy, awkward or embarrassed. The last thing you want to do is make your parents feel like you’re demanding money, which you might accidentally do if you go in all guns blazing.
Thankfully, Bridebook is here to help you negotiate those tricky conversations with your parents, so you can sort out your budget once and for all. In this post, we’re going to explore how to ask your parents for wedding money, including what to do, what to avoid, and what to do after the talk to keep Mum and Dad on your side.
Should you ask your parents to help pay for your wedding?
Whether or not your should ask your parents for wedding money totally depends on the scale of the wedding you have in mind and how that aligns with your personal finances. If you’re in the lucky position to have a high-paying job, significant savings or next Saturday’s winning Lotto numbers, then you may not need to have this conversation at all.
As revealed by our annual UK Wedding Report, modern couples generally get married a little later in life thanks to higher-paid jobs and more savings. Up to a third of couples pay for their entire wedding themselves. However, that leaves two-thirds of couples who need a little extra help. So, when it comes to who pays for what at a wedding, the split might look a little like this:
Bride’s family – 25%
Groom’s family – 25%
The couple – 50%
You also need to bear in mind the financial situation of your parents. It’s likely that your parents will want to help, but whether or not they can is something else entirely. If your parents don’t have savings or live month to month, asking them to fork out thousands will be a rather tall order. It might make them feel bad if they want to help but don’t have the spare funds, so consider this before sitting down to have the conversation.
How much money should you ask for to help pay for your wedding?
There’s no set amount you should ask for. Of course, there are traditions related to what each side of the family pays for, but this might not be possible. It’s important not to go into the conversation by asking for a blank cheque or a random number that you’ll make work. Jumping in unprepared will put you on the back foot and won’t instil in your parents a whole lot of confidence that their money will be put to good use.
How to ask your parents for wedding money: step-by-step guide
Below is a step-by-step guide for how to ask your parents to help you pay for your wedding. If you follow these steps, you might find that it doesn’t need to be quite as daunting as you think.
Step 1: Understand how much money you need for your dream wedding
Before you even consider sitting your parents down to ask them for money, you first need to understand exactly what you need. You and your spouse-to-be should generally agree on what you want and don’t want from your wedding. You don’t need to agree on the nitty-gritty at this stage, but you must be at least on the same page. After all, when it comes to the cost of transport, there’s a big difference between hiring a vintage car and a horse-drawn carriage, and when it comes to venues, a castle costs more than double a restaurant.
Establish how much you need to fund your dream wedding. You can do this by using our handy wedding budget tool, which allows you to enter the cost of each part of your wedding. You can also get a great idea of what things cost in our guide to the average cost of a wedding.
Step 2: Look at your own finances
Once you have a rough idea of how much your wedding might cost, take a look at your finances. You both might have some savings, and you should be able to work out how much additional money you can save between now and your wedding. For example, if you can each save £100 a month and your wedding is in two years, that’s almost £5,000 – or about a quarter of the average cost of a wedding. Suddenly, that helps you realise that maybe you won’t have to ask for quite as much as you fear.
To make things easy, let’s imagine your dream wedding is estimated to cost £20,000.
You and your fiance have £5,000 in joint savings, and you estimate that you can save another £5,000 before the wedding. The good news is, you’ve already accounted for half the cost of your wedding! With bonuses and any side hustles you might have, you might be able to scrape together another £2,000.
So, that leaves you with £8,000 to find. That’s still a heck of a lot of money, but it’s a solid amount, not a figure you’ve plucked from nowhere. Now you know what to ask for.
How you decide to split this is entirely up to you and your parents’ finances. Do you split it 50/50 and ask each set of parents for £4,000? Or would it be fair and more achievable to split it 75/25 and ask for £6,000 from one side and £2,000 from the other?
However you decide to split it is up to you. At least now you have an idea as to what you’re going to ask for, which makes for a far easier conversation.
Step 3: Give your parents a heads-up
Before you drop a major bombshell on your parents, it’s only fair to give them a heads-up. If they don’t know what’s coming, you might catch them off guard, which might not lead to the outcome you hope for.
If possible, it’s a conversation to have in person, not over the phone, and especially not via text. But, you can give them the idea that you want to talk about money any way you can. That way, you can present them with everything you’ve put together and you can explain it all in full, which will prevent anything from being misunderstood or misinterpreted.
Step 4: Time for the big talk
If you’ve followed the above steps, when the time comes to have the big money talk itself, it shouldn’t feel quite as intimidating. You’ll know what you want to say and exactly what you’re asking for, which puts you in the strongest possible position.
Start by setting the scene. Take your parents through your plan, including the whats, wheres, whens, whys and hows. Show them how much you think your wedding will cost and how you got to that amount. Remember, our budget tool is a great way to put an accurate amount together.
When it comes to asking your parents for help paying for your wedding, you have two main ways you could approach it:
Ask them for a set amount, such as £5,000.
Ask them whether they would pay for certain vendors, such as the venue or catering.
Either option is fine, but you may find it easier to ask them to pay for certain vendors. Think about it, which of these questions sounds easier to you: ‘Please could you pay for our wedding reception?’ or ‘Please can we have £6,000?’
When asking for money, it’s important to be gracious, open and honest. Don’t expect anything or assume that just because you’re asking nicely it automatically means you’re going to get it. Everyone’s situation is different. If you’re lucky, your family might have been secretly building a wedding fund since you and your partner first got together. Similarly, your parents’ car might have died recently and they drained their savings when they bought a new one. It’s impossible to guarantee any kind of outcome – so prepare to receive any kind of response.
Step 5: Don’t expect an answer there and then
Asking your parents to help pay for your wedding is a big deal, so they may need time to think about what you discussed before agreeing to anything. They may also need to take a look at their finances to see how much they can afford.
Don’t push or press. You might find you have to do just as much listening as you do talking. Also, try not to make your parents feel guilty by expecting them to contribute the same amount – or more – as your partner’s parents.
Step 6: Make sure you clear everything up early on
It’s also worth clarifying with your parents whether the money they offer you is a gift or a loan. Most families will present the money as a gift; however, it’s always best to check. Equally as important, once you have your final budget with all the parental contributions, make sure you don’t come back asking for more money, which would be more than a little awkward. Instead, come back to them with a beautiful thank-you note, to show how much their help is appreciated.
Step 7: Involve your parents as much as they want to be involved
Hopefully, after talking to your parents they’ve agreed to help you pay for your wedding. That’s amazing news! Now you have everything you need to plan your perfect day.
At this stage, you’ll want to make sure your parents are involved in the planning process as much as they want to be. If they’re generous enough to help you pay for certain services and vendors, then it’s important to ask them to come along if they’d like to. For example, if they’re paying for the venue, ask them to check out some of your favourites. If they’re paying for the cake or your caterers, let them come to a wedding tasting with you. They may even want the final say if they’re dropping thousands on a single vendor.
Your parents likely won’t want to be included in everything, but if they’re stumping up a chunk of change, then the least you can do is let them be a part of it in some capacity. The last thing you want to do is take the money and run, which will make them feel a little crummy.
How to ask your parents for wedding money: visual guide
Follow this visual guide to help you talk budgets with your parents
Plan your dream wedding with Bridebook
Once you have an answer from your parents and you know exactly how much budget you’ll have, you can start to plan your big day in earnest.
Here at Bridebook, we have all the tools and resources you could need to plan a fantastic wedding. Sign up and start your planning journey today!
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