Whether it’s you as a couple or one of your parents hosting your wedding, you have a lot of people to say hello to and thank! How on earth are you going to get that done and get married AND party your socks off? Well traditionally there’s a receiving line – where you line up (with your loved one and parents and anyone else you want) and say hello and thank you to every single guest – yup that’s right! But there are plenty of alternatives as well, so let’s run through them so you can decide:
Do you need to have a receiving line? If you have less than fifty guests attending, it is not considered a necessity. However, if it is more, then etiquette dictates you have to have some way of greeting all of your guests in turn – how else are you going to make sure you party with everyone!?
The Order
There is no longer a set order of people who should be in the receiving line. You can have the hosting parents leading the line, followed by you as the married couple, and then the other set of parents as well as the bridal party. Alternatively, you can just stand and greet your guests together, while the parents and the bridal party entertain those who are waiting. Either way, your options are endless! However, the shorter your line, the faster the guests will move.
By Ross Harvey
Where?
We highly recommend checking if there is enough space to hold a receiving line at your ceremony/reception venue! You don’t want guests to get on top of each other, or start getting stroppy because they are too hot or too cold. Similarly, we suggest that you host your receiving line in an area where drinks and nibbles are available, so people aren’t left hungry and thirsty while they wait.
What do you say?
A receiving line is not the moment to catch up with your guests; otherwise you will be there for hours – so hold the chitter chatter! You should simply introduce the guests to the VIP’s in your line that they don’t know, accept their congratulations and offer your thanks. Done!
An alternative to a receiving line is to visit each table in turn during the meal. One lovely idea we heard about was each table having two empty seats for the married couple, so that they could sit down at each table, chat to the guests and keep eating!
We also really like the Chinese tradition, by which the married couple have a toast with each table. This is guaranteed to be quicker than sitting down to eat and, you will get to hear some lovely wishes!
Whichever option you choose, your guests will still race over to you after the ceremony with hugs and congrats, so just make sure you enjoy the moment and thank everyone!
Long gone are the days when the MOBs had to wear washed out pastels or, horror of horrors, varying shades of the beige suit when their daughters got married. Now bright colours, amazing designs and stunning patterns are available to mums as they watch their daughters walk down the aisle (thank goodness!). Worry not about the amount of choice available! Our guide will make sure you look like an image of sophistication on your daughter’s special day.
When you start the hunt for the perfect outfit for your child’s wedding, let the bride lead the way. She has spent a significant amount of time setting the tone for the event, so will be able to tell you how formally or casually you should be dressed. She might even have a set idea of what she would like you to wear. So sit down with a glass of bubbly, grab some inspiration and talk through both of your ideas.
By Anna Clarke Photography
2. Which colour?
One question we get asked a lot is, “What colour should the Mother of the Bride’s outfit be?” It’s confusing without a strict guideline available. Some mums prefer to coordinate with the bridesmaids, but not match! But we do suggest you complement each other, so if they are in orange, you could wear a rich blue and look fantastic in the photos. We also suggest that MOBs should shy away from black, which can look mournful, red, which can be a bit racy, or white, which is the colour of the bride. Having said that, if done tastefully, all of the above can look fantastic. Choose a colour (or pattern) that doesn’t clash with the overall colour scheme and you will look absolutely fabulous.
The wedding venue and the season can be useful when you are deciding on your outfit. If your daughter is going for a beach wedding, then a relaxed dress will be perfect with some comfortable and pretty sandals, but if it’s a chic evening affair, then tailoring and heels are the way to go. The season will also guide you in terms of accessories: you might want a shawl or a blazer to keep warm with and they can be a perfect addition to any outfit. We would suggest you stay away from sky-high stilettos, not only will you have a fairly long day, but you will immediately start sinking in grass or in the sand – not a good look!
By Stephen Casey Photography
4. Mother of the Groom
Traditionally, as the MOB, you should choose your dress first and then notify the MOG of your decision. While you don’t need to follow this tradition, it is a nice gesture. After all, you will be in a LOT of photos together so you want to make sure you complement each other in your elegance. This does not mean that you should match, only that your outfits shouldn’t clash with one another. Note to self: start looking for the perfect attire six months before the wedding, leaving enough time for the MOG to find something she likes and for all the altering to be completed in time.
Demure and elegant are the main words when it comes to choosing your outfit! This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t inject a bit of personality through your accessories. Your daughter’s wedding is the perfect opportunity to wear a stunning hat or an elegant fascinator. If you don’t feel comfortable with either of those, then shawls, scarves and jewellery are a great way of adding some drama to your outfit. Bit of advice: don’t overdo it on jewellery and go with one statement piece. Our favourite look is a cuff bracelet or some statement earrings, with the neck left bear and feminine.
You also shouldn’t forget to take care of your hair and make-up! It is your daughter’s big day, but you shouldn’t leave your own beautification to the last minute. It’s a special day for you – you’re the Mother of the Bride!
By John Lennie
6. Undergarments
Even if you have found the perfect outfit, it won’t feel right until you have the right underwear to go with it. Choosing good hosiery will make you feel comfortable throughout the day and it will flatter your shape, making you look your best in the outfit that you choose! Try taking your dress to the shop so they can help you pick out the best items for you to lift and hold wherever you might need!
Hurray, you’ve reached the point of wedding invitations. Once you send these out, the excitement will really start to build – they make it more real! But before you dunk your pen in the inkpot, take a second, because once you start addressing your invitations, you may find that there are quite a few unclear areas. Who should the invitations be coming from? What is the correct way to address them? Here are some templates to help you along the way – happy inviting!
*at the marriage of his daughter if the hosts are Father and stepmother
By Anna Clarke Photography
Where a stepfather is the host:
Mr Stephen Jones
requests the pleasure of
your company at the marriage
of his stepdaughter
Katie Smith
to Mr James John Knight*
If the bride and groom are hosting:
Mr James Knight and Miss Katie Smith
request the pleasure of
your company at their marriage
By Especially Amy
If the father or mother of the bride is hosting:
Mrs John Smith
requests the pleasure of
your company at the marriage
of her daughter
Katie Smith
to Mr James John Knight
The ceremony venue, the date, the time and the reception venue should follow these. If the ceremony and reception are held at the same place, just omit the reception venue at the end.
The average UK salary is £29,588 and when you consider rent/mortgage payments and the ever-increasing cost of living, paying for your upcoming wedding can feel rather daunting.
But don’t panic! We’ve got a super powerful budget tool which uses thousands of couples’ real budgets to estimate the total cost of your wedding and then break that down so you have a good idea of exactly what each part will cost. We also have an in-depth guide to saving money on your wedding which is filled with cost-cutting tips.
But, if you’re looking to do things a little more traditionally, and get generous family members involved, who pays for what in a wedding?
Some families offer to help the newlyweds-to-be celebrate the most magical day of their lives, and we’re here to give you the lowdown on who traditionally (a big emphasis on the traditionally… it is 2023 after all) pays for what. Once you’ve calculated your budget and seen how much everything’s going to cost, you and your partner can both let your families know what they can help with. At the end of the day, it’s whatever works for you and your family.
If you don’t want to know about the whys and hows of these costs and want to get straight into what each side of the family should pay for, skip ahead to our quick reference cheat sheet!
Once upon a time, a bride’s family paid the groom or his family a dowry to help the couple establish their new life as newlyweds. This hasn’t been a part of British culture since the 19th century, but has evolved into the tradition that the bride’s family will stump up for a large portion of the bill when it comes to the wedding itself.
Once again, beliefs and expectations have evolved, and in the 21st century, it’s no longer the case that the bride’s family are expected to pay. Now, in the UK and many cultures around the world, the bride’s family and the groom’s family – as well as the couple themselves – can help pay for a wedding.
But, as revealed by our annual UK Wedding Report, with modern couples generally getting married a little later in life (and therefore having higher-paid jobs and more savings), a third of couples pay for their entire wedding themselves.
That still leaves two-thirds of couples who need a little extra help. So, the modern way to split paying for a wedding looks a little something like this:
Bride’s family – 25%
Groom’s family – 25%
The couple – 50%
With this in mind, based on the average cost of a wedding being £19,184, that still leaves you with close to £10,000 you might have to save yourself – and that’s if your family can lend a hand.
Should you ask the bride’s family to pay for your wedding?
While it may have once been the traditional way to pay for a wedding (particularly among the Georgian upper classes), you should only ask the bride’s family to pay for your wedding if you know they can comfortably afford it. The same goes for asking the groom’s family. You’ll want to make sure they’re fully on board with your marriage plans, which might mean a lot of buttering up and being an exemplary son or daughter and future in-law.
The important thing to remember is not to go in expecting anyone to pay. Talking about money is personal, private and sometimes awkward. But, it can be done carefully without causing friction. For more information, read our guide on how to talk wedding budgets with your parents.
Who traditionally pays for different parts of a wedding in the UK?
If you’re lucky enough to have family who want to help you pay for your wedding, then the below guide should give you an indication of who might pay for what.
Before we dive in, each of these traditions is based on there being a bride and groom. Many modern couples have two grooms or two brides – or perhaps neither. If you’re an LGBTQ+ couple planning your big day, we recommend that you try to evenly split what you ask your families to pay for and use the below as a rough guide.
Who traditionally pays for an engagement party?
This expense is traditionally covered by the bride’s family since they often host the engagement party at their house as a way to welcome and bring together the two families (often for the first time). However, whichever family is feeling the most generous can offer to host or throw the engagement party. It all depends on space, funds and who wants to do the clearing up afterwards.
Who traditionally pays for the rehearsal dinner?
Since the bride’s family pays for the engagement party, the rehearsal dinner is traditionally paid for by the groom’s parents. They should only spend what they’re comfortable with, however, and hosting a small soirée the day before the wedding is more than enough.
In the UK, rehearsal dinners aren’t exactly common, so you may ask for this contribution to go towards the big day itself, instead.
Who traditionally pays for the wedding venue?
The venue is usually the single biggest expenditure of your entire wedding, and no one is pleased to be handed an invoice with that many zeros on it. Traditionally, this would be something that the bride’s parents would pay for and covers the cost of the ceremony itself.
Because the average wedding venue costs between £7,000 and £8,000, this can be a heck of a cost to expect one family to pay for alone. So, for more modern weddings, this is something that many families – together with the couple – split the bill for.
This is another cost that traditionally lies with the bride’s family, which includes the cost of canapés, the breakfast and the evening buffet. The good news is that it’s not traditional for the bride’s parents to cover the cost of an open bar, with most weddings having a cash bar so guests pay for their own drinks.
The bride’s family traditionally pays for the wedding reception, though the costs do cross over with that of the venue, entertainment, decor and food.
Because of this, the more modern take on it is to split the cost between the bride’s and groom’s families, as well as the couple themselves.
Who traditionally pays for wedding transport?
Traditionally, wedding transport is paid for by both families. If you’re hiring transport for your guests, for example, a Big Red Bus, then this isn’t traditionally something your guests will be expected to pay for.
Who traditionally pays for a wedding photographer or videographer?
Your wedding photographer (and/or videographer if you choose to hire one) is traditionally paid for by the bride’s family.
For modern weddings, this might be something that the couple prefers to pay for themselves. Find out more about the cost of a wedding photographer and videographer in our dedicated guides.
Who traditionally pays for wedding flowers?
Traditionally, the groom pays for the bride’s bouquet. For an extra romantic twist, the groom could even pick wildflowers to be included as well. On the other hand, the bride’s side of the family will traditionally pay for all the floral decorations. Read our guide to choosing wedding flowers for more information on the types of flowers you might want at your wedding.
For modern weddings, the flowers are something that the couple will pay for, including the bouquet and floral decorations. Discover how much this might set you back in our post on the cost of wedding flowers.
Who traditionally pays for the wedding cake?
The wedding cake is traditionally paid for by the bride’s family, but this isn’t a tradition stuck to quite as closely as others. Many couples now choose to pay for their own cake, in part due to the traditions involved with cutting the cake and how it represents sharing everything. Learn more about the cost of a wedding cake here.
Who traditionally pays for the wedding dress?
One of the most closely stuck-to traditions is that the bride’s family will pay for the wedding dress. This also includes any accessories the bride may wear, such as a veil, a bag and shoes.
For modern weddings, the bride may want to pay for her own dress. But, the bridal party are still encouraged to attend fittings for all the fun and excitement that goes with it.
The groom’s family would traditionally pay for the groom’s suit and any accessories, such as a tie, shoes and pocket square. Nowadays, it’s more likely to be one of the expenses that the groom will take care of himself.
Traditionally, the cost of the wedding rings is split between the two families. But, wedding rings are super personal – they’re pieces of jewellery the two of you will likely wear all day for the rest of your lives and have a huge amount of meaning. For that reason, many couples choose to pay for their wedding rings themselves these days.
Traditionally, whoever proposes is the one who will pay for the engagement ring. It’s also tradition for the ring to cost the same as one, two or even three month’s salary, but with the average monthly income being £2,466, that would be one heck of a diamond! Another option is to use a family heirloom which has been passed down from parents or grandparents.
Some modern couples will buy an engagement ring together. This might take away the element of surprise when it comes to the proposal itself, but it can be a lot of fun shopping for an engagement ring together. Other couples might choose to wear an engagement ring each, and those who do this might pay for the rings together.
For more information, read our post on how much does an engagement ring cost?
Who traditionally pays for the bridesmaids’ dresses?
The bride’s side of the family traditionally pays for the bridesmaids’ dresses. But, with modern weddings, it’s becoming more common for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. It really depends on what your budget is, the type of dresses you want your bridesmaids to wear, and whether or not that’s within their price range. To avoid confusion later, we’d recommend discussing this as early as possible with your wedding squad.
Unless they’ll be matching or require special suits, the ushers traditionally pay for their own attire. If the suits need to be tailor-made, however, it’s an expense that the groom’s side should cover.
Who pays for wedding guests’ accommodation?
Traditionally, each side of the family pays for their own guests’ accommodation. However, this really depends on what the families are comfortable with, as most guests pay for their own accommodation nowadays. Most hotels charge north of £100 a night, and if you decide to cover the bill that could set you back thousands. Thankfully, very few couples offer to pay for their guests’ accommodation, so it’s not something they’ll expect. Just make sure you mention this on your information sheet.
Who traditionally pays for a hen party?
Traditionally, the hens will pay for most aspects of a hen party, with the maid of honour taking the responsibility of arranging everything and making those important bookings.
Today, there are no set rules – it entirely depends on budgets and plans. Make sure you and your hens discuss all your options and what everyone expects early on.
Who traditionally pays for a stag do?
It’s tradition for the groomsmen attending the stag do to pay, but it all depends on budgets and what the planned activities are. For something more expensive, like a trip abroad which might be more expensive, it’s fine to ask the groom to contribute towards costs.
Who traditionally pays for a honeymoon?
Traditionally, it’s the groom who pays for the honeymoon. But, the average honeymoon costs £4,200, so this is no easy feat. Today, however, most couples split the cost, with many also asking for donations towards their honeymoon instead of wedding gifts. This is a relatively new tradition, which likely stems from the fact that people are generally getting married later and often already live together by the time they tie the knot. That means they probably don’t need (or want) a new toaster or a 24-piece dinnerware set!
Traditionally, the groom’s family doesn’t have to pay as many wedding-related costs, but there are still plenty of ways they can get their hands in their pockets:
The groom’s outfit
The best man’s suit and ushers’ outfits (NB. As with the bridesmaids, these now tend to be bought by the groomsmen themselves)
Groom’s going-away outfit
Transportation to the ceremony for the groom and best man
Transportation for the bride and groom from the reception venue
Buttonholes for all the groomsmen
Civil or religious ceremony fees
Church fees (plus any extras like church music and bell ringing)
Registration office and other venue fees
Passports and visas for the honeymoon
Travel and accommodation for the honeymoon
Spending money for the honeymoon
Travel insurance for the honeymoon
Bride’s engagement and wedding rings
Presents for the bridesmaids, ushers and best man
Presents for the bride’s parents
Press announcement for the wedding
Wedding night hotel fees
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While some couples and their families choose to abide by traditions, things are quickly changing, so you shouldn’t feel obliged to stick to any of them. It’s down to you and your family to decide who pays for what, so everyone feels included and no one feels pressured to spend beyond their means. For money-saving tips from the experts, remember to read our ultimate wedding cost-cutting guide.
Budgeting is a crucial part of wedding planning. In the UK, the average cost of a wedding is £20,775, which is a heck of a lot of money to save for any couple. That leaves many with no other choice than to ask their parents to help them. And there’s nothing wrong with asking your parents for help, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a difficult conversation to have.
If this is you, then there are some potentially awkward conversations in your future. If you think you may need to discuss the money aspect of your upcoming nuptials with your parents, there are ways to approach it carefully so you don’t feel too shy, awkward or embarrassed. The last thing you want to do is make your parents feel like you’re demanding money, which you might accidentally do if you go in all guns blazing.
Thankfully, Bridebook is here to help you negotiate those tricky conversations with your parents, so you can sort out your budget once and for all. In this post, we’re going to explore how to ask your parents for wedding money, including what to do, what to avoid, and what to do after the talk to keep Mum and Dad on your side.
Should you ask your parents to help pay for your wedding?
Whether or not your should ask your parents for wedding money totally depends on the scale of the wedding you have in mind and how that aligns with your personal finances. If you’re in the lucky position to have a high-paying job, significant savings or next Saturday’s winning Lotto numbers, then you may not need to have this conversation at all.
As revealed by our annual UK Wedding Report, modern couples generally get married a little later in life thanks to higher-paid jobs and more savings. Up to a third of couples pay for their entire wedding themselves. However, that leaves two-thirds of couples who need a little extra help. So, when it comes to who pays for what at a wedding, the split might look a little like this:
Bride’s family – 25%
Groom’s family – 25%
The couple – 50%
You also need to bear in mind the financial situation of your parents. It’s likely that your parents will want to help, but whether or not they can is something else entirely. If your parents don’t have savings or live month to month, asking them to fork out thousands will be a rather tall order. It might make them feel bad if they want to help but don’t have the spare funds, so consider this before sitting down to have the conversation.
How much money should you ask for to help pay for your wedding?
There’s no set amount you should ask for. Of course, there are traditions related to what each side of the family pays for, but this might not be possible. It’s important not to go into the conversation by asking for a blank cheque or a random number that you’ll make work. Jumping in unprepared will put you on the back foot and won’t instil in your parents a whole lot of confidence that their money will be put to good use.
How to ask your parents for wedding money: step-by-step guide
Below is a step-by-step guide for how to ask your parents to help you pay for your wedding. If you follow these steps, you might find that it doesn’t need to be quite as daunting as you think.
Step 1: Understand how much money you need for your dream wedding
Before you even consider sitting your parents down to ask them for money, you first need to understand exactly what you need. You and your spouse-to-be should generally agree on what you want and don’t want from your wedding. You don’t need to agree on the nitty-gritty at this stage, but you must be at least on the same page. After all, when it comes to the cost of transport, there’s a big difference between hiring a vintage car and a horse-drawn carriage, and when it comes to venues, a castle costs more than double a restaurant.
Establish how much you need to fund your dream wedding. You can do this by using our handy wedding budget tool, which allows you to enter the cost of each part of your wedding. You can also get a great idea of what things cost in our guide to the average cost of a wedding.
Step 2: Look at your own finances
Once you have a rough idea of how much your wedding might cost, take a look at your finances. You both might have some savings, and you should be able to work out how much additional money you can save between now and your wedding. For example, if you can each save £100 a month and your wedding is in two years, that’s almost £5,000 – or about a quarter of the average cost of a wedding. Suddenly, that helps you realise that maybe you won’t have to ask for quite as much as you fear.
To make things easy, let’s imagine your dream wedding is estimated to cost £20,000.
You and your fiance have £5,000 in joint savings, and you estimate that you can save another £5,000 before the wedding. The good news is, you’ve already accounted for half the cost of your wedding! With bonuses and any side hustles you might have, you might be able to scrape together another £2,000.
So, that leaves you with £8,000 to find. That’s still a heck of a lot of money, but it’s a solid amount, not a figure you’ve plucked from nowhere. Now you know what to ask for.
How you decide to split this is entirely up to you and your parents’ finances. Do you split it 50/50 and ask each set of parents for £4,000? Or would it be fair and more achievable to split it 75/25 and ask for £6,000 from one side and £2,000 from the other?
However you decide to split it is up to you. At least now you have an idea as to what you’re going to ask for, which makes for a far easier conversation.
Step 3: Give your parents a heads-up
Before you drop a major bombshell on your parents, it’s only fair to give them a heads-up. If they don’t know what’s coming, you might catch them off guard, which might not lead to the outcome you hope for.
If possible, it’s a conversation to have in person, not over the phone, and especially not via text. But, you can give them the idea that you want to talk about money any way you can. That way, you can present them with everything you’ve put together and you can explain it all in full, which will prevent anything from being misunderstood or misinterpreted.
Step 4: Time for the big talk
If you’ve followed the above steps, when the time comes to have the big money talk itself, it shouldn’t feel quite as intimidating. You’ll know what you want to say and exactly what you’re asking for, which puts you in the strongest possible position.
Start by setting the scene. Take your parents through your plan, including the whats, wheres, whens, whys and hows. Show them how much you think your wedding will cost and how you got to that amount. Remember, our budget tool is a great way to put an accurate amount together.
When it comes to asking your parents for help paying for your wedding, you have two main ways you could approach it:
Ask them for a set amount, such as £5,000.
Ask them whether they would pay for certain vendors, such as the venue or catering.
Either option is fine, but you may find it easier to ask them to pay for certain vendors. Think about it, which of these questions sounds easier to you: ‘Please could you pay for our wedding reception?’ or ‘Please can we have £6,000?’
When asking for money, it’s important to be gracious, open and honest. Don’t expect anything or assume that just because you’re asking nicely it automatically means you’re going to get it. Everyone’s situation is different. If you’re lucky, your family might have been secretly building a wedding fund since you and your partner first got together. Similarly, your parents’ car might have died recently and they drained their savings when they bought a new one. It’s impossible to guarantee any kind of outcome – so prepare to receive any kind of response.
Step 5: Don’t expect an answer there and then
Asking your parents to help pay for your wedding is a big deal, so they may need time to think about what you discussed before agreeing to anything. They may also need to take a look at their finances to see how much they can afford.
Don’t push or press. You might find you have to do just as much listening as you do talking. Also, try not to make your parents feel guilty by expecting them to contribute the same amount – or more – as your partner’s parents.
Step 6: Make sure you clear everything up early on
It’s also worth clarifying with your parents whether the money they offer you is a gift or a loan. Most families will present the money as a gift; however, it’s always best to check. Equally as important, once you have your final budget with all the parental contributions, make sure you don’t come back asking for more money, which would be more than a little awkward. Instead, come back to them with a beautiful thank-you note, to show how much their help is appreciated.
Step 7: Involve your parents as much as they want to be involved
Hopefully, after talking to your parents they’ve agreed to help you pay for your wedding. That’s amazing news! Now you have everything you need to plan your perfect day.
At this stage, you’ll want to make sure your parents are involved in the planning process as much as they want to be. If they’re generous enough to help you pay for certain services and vendors, then it’s important to ask them to come along if they’d like to. For example, if they’re paying for the venue, ask them to check out some of your favourites. If they’re paying for the cake or your caterers, let them come to a wedding tasting with you. They may even want the final say if they’re dropping thousands on a single vendor.
Your parents likely won’t want to be included in everything, but if they’re stumping up a chunk of change, then the least you can do is let them be a part of it in some capacity. The last thing you want to do is take the money and run, which will make them feel a little crummy.
How to ask your parents for wedding money: visual guide
Follow this visual guide to help you talk budgets with your parents
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Once you have an answer from your parents and you know exactly how much budget you’ll have, you can start to plan your big day in earnest.
Here at Bridebook, we have all the tools and resources you could need to plan a fantastic wedding. Sign up and start your planning journey today!
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