Who to Invite to Your Wedding

Deciding on who to invite to your wedding is one of the most diplomatic matters of your wedding planning.

There are people who you are obliged to invite but don’t want to. And others who you want to invite but you are unable to as they have a major conflict with another guest who is essential. These delicate situations can result in political scenarios more complex than United Nations discussions…..or not.

Start this task by mentally preparing yourself for the fact that you may not be able to have your perfect guest list. You may need to miss some people out. And you may need to put some people in. Try your best to deal with that now.

Next, sit down with your fiancé and get yourselves on the same page. There may be some people that you have a love/hate relationship with i.e. you love them and your partner hates them. Get this out in the open at the start to avoid arguing later.

Now it’s time to establish the core people on your guest list and build out from there. Take some paper or a spreadsheet and make 5 columns. Write the total number of guests you are able to invite(if you have a limit) at the top of the sheet. Give the columns the following titles:

• Wedding Party
• Essential
• Preferred
• Preferably not
• No

The next step is self-explanatory. Start in the first column and add the names of your wedding party(including yourselves). If you haven’t decided on your wedding party yet, read this hack. Move along to the “Essential” column and add all your essential guests(grannies, close friends etc.). Next, move to the “Preferred” column and add any guests that you would ideally like to attend. Now comes the harsh part! In the “Preferably not” column add any guests who you prefer not to invite but feel obliged to. And finally, the “No” column speaks for itself(you don’t actually need to add names to the “No” column).

Take some time to do this, don’t rush as you may miss somebody out.

Once complete, start counting the guests from left to right and stop once you reach your guest limit. Ideally, you want to stop in the “preferably not” column so that you can invite all the people you want to. When you reach your guest limit, now comes the hard part. Look at the current column only and work out how many guests you are able to invite from that column. Choose your favourite guests and remove the others. Your guest list is now complete.

This may seem like an overly-systematic harsh way to build your guest list…..and you’re right, it is. But sometimes this is just what’s needed. This is as simple a way as you will find to build your guest list.

Wedding Mailing List

When you start to plan your wedding, it can be tempting to jump straight into the “exciting stuff” like booking vendors and ignore some of the more boring tasks. One task that you will hear very little about in wedding magazines is creating an email list for all your guests.

This small task is a major time saver! Once you have finalised your guest list, create a mailing list in an email client such as Microsoft Outlook or Apple Mail and add all your guests who have email addresses. If you don’t have an email address for a specific guest, message them to ask if they could provide one. Don’t spend too much time on this as it defeats the “time-saving” purpose.

Once you have your email list fully built, you can use this along the way for many aspects of your wedding planning. Here are some uses of your email list.

• To find out any dietary requirements
• To find out how many children will be attending
• To find out who requires transport and who will be driving
• To find out who requires accommodation
• To confirm any details or changes to arrangements

These are just a few of the circumstances in which your email list is immensely useful. Without an email list, you would need to contact your guests individually to find out all of this information so this is a big time-saver. On top of this, if there are any major problems on the wedding day(such as the transport company cancelling!) you can quickly advise all guests in a few minutes. Very handy!

Build your email list as soon as you can and save the time later. The other alternative to an email list is to create a Facebook Messenger Conversation which can be quicker to setup but may be more intrusive.

How to Write Wedding Vows

If you are opting for a traditional wedding, you will be provided with the ceremony wording by your officiant. If you have decided to write your own vows however, you will need to be a little more creative. Here is our guide on writing your vows.

1. Will you keep your vows secret?

Most couples write their vows independently and say them to their fiancé for the first time during the ceremony. This is a very emotional option(if you are a “crier”, this may be difficult) but can be very beautiful. Decide together if you are going to keep them secret until your wedding or not.

2. Format

If you are writing your vows separately, you can optionally agree to stick to a set format such as the following:

[Name] I take you to be my [husband/wife]

[your own wording here explaining briefly why you love them]

I promise to …..[list of things that your promise to do]

[your own wording here explaining that you will love them forever]

A format like this can make it a little easier to write the vows and brings a consistency between both sets of vows during the ceremony. If you opt against a fixed-format like the above, you have more room for expressing your love through your word choices but sacrifice the consistency between bride/groom vows. This choice is down to what suits your personalities best.

3. Mention your relationship

If you are struggling for content, your relationship history is a beautiful reminder of your love. Mention mildly-funny(but sweet) moments, how you first met or a challenge that you have overcome together. This brings memories of your relationship thus far and leads you beautifully into looking at your future together.

4. Make promises

So, you have spoken about your past. Now it’s time to mention the future. These promises are declarations of your love and commitment to your fiancé. Your promises can be anything you like as long as you intend to keep them!(don’t say “I promise to never be annoyed” as that’s impossible). Make them real, emotional and meaningful. Use generic promises such as “I promise to do all I can to make you happy” but also use promises that apply only to you and your fiancé, such as “I promise to love you even when you leave your mucky boots in the kitchen!”(this adds humour and lightness to your ceremony and gives your guests an insight into your relationship).

5. Keep it less than 2 mins

This is for 2 reasons. Firstly, you don’t want to bore your guests. And secondly, if you do get emotional, you will probably struggle to get through the rest of the vows so keeping it short makes it a bit easier for you.

6. Say it out loud to somebody else

Once you have written your vows, practice saying them out loud in front of somebody else. There is something about saying them in front of somebody other than yourself that makes it more emotional. You may be able to say them in front of the mirror with no problems, but saying them in front of somebody else could be a challenge.

There are many guides you can read on writing your wedding vows but in the end it all comes down to what you want to say. Be honest and be kind. Don’t leave it to the last minute as the stress will hinder you from writing really heartfelt vows.

Collecting Groomswear

This is one of the last tasks on your wedding planning checklist(ignoring all the annoying problems that pop-up in the final week). You’ve probably got a to-do list about 100 items high so it may be tempting to assign this job to one of your groomsmen or bridesmaids. This is a perfectly reasonable option but it’s better if you can find the time to go yourself. Take this opportunity to try your outfit on and make sure everything fits. If somebody else picks it up and then you find it doesn’t fit, you will need to make the journey back to the shop again anyway. Take somebody else with you to validate that it looks good and to check that everything fits OK at the back.

Here are the key things you want to check:

• It fits!
• It’s comfortable
• Make sure the shoes match(take them with you)
• Have you got all the accessories you need?

At this point, it’s worth arranging who will return the outfit to the shop the day after your wedding. If you are honeymooning straight away, this is a necessity. One of your friends or family will be more than happy to help out to give you time to relax and enjoy your new marriage. You deserve some time off! Think about the logistics of how you will get your outfit to this person the day after the wedding.

Once you get the outfit home, keep it somewhere safe. Iron your shirts etc. a couple of days before the wedding(just in case you burn it!).

Try wearing the shoes around the house for 1-2 weeks before the wedding to soften the leather and make them more comfortable for your wedding day

So you’ve booked your wedding photographer(If not, read the wedding photographer checklist) and now it’s time to meet up, get acquainted and discuss some of the finer details of your wedding day. The photographer is one of the most significant vendors present on your wedding day and we can’t understate their role in proceedings. Therefore, meeting them before the day is very important to clarify everything.

If your photographer is based further away(some photographers travel worldwide), a pre-wedding meeting may not be possible……but there’s always Skype!

If possible, try to arrange to meet up at the venue. This will allow you to walk around the building and grounds and look for good photo opportunities and decide on where you would like photos to be taken. This has the double advantage of making your day go more smoothly and also increases the chances that you will be happy with the results.

You will have questions of your own so we won’t bore you with a massive list here. We’ll just highlight what we consider to be the 5 most important questions.

1. Arrival time and departure time

Find out when they will arrive on the wedding morning and add this to your vendor spreadsheet. It’s also useful to find out what time they will leave at the end of the night, just so you have an idea. It tends to be after the first dance but they may be willing to stay later upon request.

2. Key group shots you want – setting

Discuss the different group shots you would like captured. For example, immediate family only, bridesmaids only, groomsmen only etc. If you are at the venue, take a walk around the grounds to find a good location for the group shots. Do the same inside the venue as a backup in case the weather is poor on your wedding day.

3. Key couple shots you want(setting, pose, style)

At some point on your wedding day, there will be an opportunity to get some pictures taken of just the 2 of you. Find out when they would plan to do this? Normally, this would be soon after the ceremony, either before or after group shots. Some couples prefer to do a traditional portrait type shot while others prefer to go for a romantic walk and let the photographer be a “fly on the wall”. Photographers have their own style and may specialise in the formal approach or the fly-on-the-wall approach so discuss their suggestions and give them your input on what you are looking for. When discussing the couple shots, the key things you want to talk about are setting, pose and style. This is the location of the shoot on the wedding day, the poses you plan to do(e.g. looking at camera, no-poses-just-natural, kissing, quirky jump etc.) and the style of the photography(have you seen a particular style of shot you like? Ideally have an example image to show).

4. Specific shots

If you have any specific shots in mind that you want to capture, discuss these also. This could be a simple romantic shot, or it could be something very specific…..such as using props or an aerial drone shot(if they can provide that). Read this guide from Buzzfeed on drone photography

5. Key people you want captured(show a picture)

Finally, let your photographer know if you want them to capture images of specific people during the course of your wedding day. If you have 100+ guests, it could be difficult for them to capture a picture of everyone. If there is somebody you want to make sure isn’t missed, you need to let them know because they don’t know your friends and family and don’t know who the important people are. Show them an image if you can.

Those 5 little questions should cover most of the important things that need to be addressed. Add your own as you see fit.

Wedding Costs Spreadsheet

Planning a wedding is an expensive business! With so many high-cost purchases to be made in a short space of time, it can quickly become difficult to track your spending and you may find your wedding costs spiralling out of control and bursting your budget limits.

To help you manage this, we have put together a “Costs” spreadsheet. This simple table allows you to quickly enter expenses as they come in and track spending as you pay deposits.

It gives you a quick breakdown of:

• Total amount spent on wedding
• Total amount paid so far
• Total amount left to pay

It also breaks each of these down by category so you can track high-cost areas.

Feel free to edit columns and move things around to make this work for you. This spreadsheet is free to be shared with whoever you like.

For more advice, read our guide on making wedding payments

Wedding Day Checklist

With so much going on with your wedding planning, it can be hard to focus on some of the small tasks that make your wedding special. For that reason, we have built a wedding day checklist. This covers all the small tasks that are required in the week leading up to the wedding that have a direct impact on your wedding day. If you are looking for a more comprehensive checklist for the entire planning process, take a look at our wedding planning checklist.

Have you completed the following tasks?

• Favours prepared
• DIY decorations made
• Printables printed
• Signs printed and twined
• Table decorations gathered and packed
• Miscellaneous decorations packed
• All attire collected and packed
• Flowers for mothers of bride and groom collected
• Arranged collection of cake
• Confirmed all vendor arrival times
• Wedding Party briefed

If you have completed the above tasks, you’re good to go. Remember to do your final wedding checks with your vendors too.

Read the full wedding planning checklist.

The final wedding dress fitting has arrived. It’s your last chance to make sure you are happy with the finished result and advise of any changes you would like made. Whatever you do, make sure you do the following 4 things:

1. Take your wedding shoes

This is a must! You need to see how the dress looks with your shoes but also make sure that the length of the dress is correct when worn with heels. Try walking with the dress and shoes on together to give yourself an idea of how difficult it will be on the day.

2. Take undergarments and accessories

Likewise, take any accessories(veil, hair clips, tiaras) and undergarments that will be worn with the dress to your final dress fitting. This is to see how they look together and make sure it’s not dreadfully uncomfortable.

3. Take your bridesmaids or the “people who will be helping you to get ready on the day”

This has 3 purposes:

• to get a 2^nd opinion and make sure everything looks as it should
• to find out how to put the dress on(it can be harder than it looks)
• to learn how to bustle the dress

4. Learn how to care for your dress

This is mainly to find out how to keep your dress crease-free. Normally, the best option is to use a steamer rather than an iron as the heated plate of an iron would melt most dresses. These can be hired or purchased for around £50.

It’s also good to find out how to take care of stains should you happen to get any(e.g. from makeup). Every dress is different but the shop should be able to advise on this.

Since this is your last dress fitting, try to enjoy it as much as you can. The next time you go back to the store you will be collecting your wedding dress!

Choosing Your Wedding Music

Choosing your wedding music is one of those tasks that is deceivingly demanding.

You might think that this is an easy task, but once you start you will quickly realise the significance of the responsibility.

The music you choose for your wedding is such a big deal because……music is such a big deal. When we watch a film or go to a restaurant, music is used to create atmosphere. It changes the way people feel. The same is true for your wedding music. The music you choose is ultimately going to affect the mood of both you and your guests, so making the right choice becomes very important.

There are 3 main points of your wedding where you will need to choose music:

• Ceremony
• Dinner
• Dance

Before we look at each section, consider the feel you want to create and make sure this fits with your theme. The feel will determine the style of music you should be going for. E.g. Easy-listening acoustic music would go well at a boho or rustic wedding, but wouldn’t be as fitting at a formal affair. Likewise, some indie-grunge might suit a rock n roll wedding but would be unfitting for almost any other style. Perhaps extreme examples, but you get the idea.

So let’s break down each point of the day

Ceremony

This is probably the easiest section of the day to choose your music for as there are certain pieces that have become synonymous with weddings. This is very dependent on the type of ceremony you are having so the best approach here is to discuss the options with your officiant as he/she might have some suggestions.

Dinner

Background music during the meal is an area that people often miss as most wedding guides won’t mention it. This is really not necessary as most of your guests will be talking and not listening to the music but it is really helpful in setting the scene and creating the feel that you want the day to have.

A good option here is to make a Spotify playlist in advance and plug it in to the PA system at your venue during the meal. Remember to match your music to your wedding theme.

Dance

Ah, the dancing! The grand finale to your wedding day. There are only 3 rules when choosing the music for the dancing(although you can break as many of these rules as you wish).

• You must like it
• It makes you happy
• You can dance to it

Other than that, the choice is yours.

If you have hired a band, your choices will be easier as they will have a set playlist for you to choose from. You may be able to request that they learn 1 or 2 songs if you have something special you would like played(i.e. your first dance).

If you have hired a DJ on the other hand, the choice is as widespread as you like which takes you back to square one. Just make sure it’s happy music that’s good for dancing.

We’ve put together a guide on crafting the perfect wedding playlist in case you need some further inspiration.