Category: GB

How to Ask Your Parents for Wedding Money

Budgeting is a crucial part of wedding planning. In the UK, the average cost of a wedding is £20,775, which is a heck of a lot of money to save for any couple. That leaves many with no other choice than to ask their parents to help them. And there’s nothing wrong with asking your parents for help, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a difficult conversation to have.

If this is you, then there are some potentially awkward conversations in your future. If you think you may need to discuss the money aspect of your upcoming nuptials with your parents, there are ways to approach it carefully so you don’t feel too shy, awkward or embarrassed. The last thing you want to do is make your parents feel like you’re demanding money, which you might accidentally do if you go in all guns blazing.

Thankfully, Bridebook is here to help you negotiate those tricky conversations with your parents, so you can sort out your budget once and for all. In this post, we’re going to explore how to ask your parents for wedding money, including what to do, what to avoid, and what to do after the talk to keep Mum and Dad on your side.

Should you ask your parents to help pay for your wedding?

Photo © Tom Groves Wedding Photography | See their Bridebook profile

Whether or not your should ask your parents for wedding money totally depends on the scale of the wedding you have in mind and how that aligns with your personal finances. If you’re in the lucky position to have a high-paying job, significant savings or next Saturday’s winning Lotto numbers, then you may not need to have this conversation at all.

As revealed by our annual UK Wedding Report, modern couples generally get married a little later in life thanks to higher-paid jobs and more savings. Up to a third of couples pay for their entire wedding themselves. However, that leaves two-thirds of couples who need a little extra help. So, when it comes to who pays for what at a wedding, the split might look a little like this:

  • Bride’s family – 25%
  • Groom’s family – 25%
  • The couple – 50%

You also need to bear in mind the financial situation of your parents. It’s likely that your parents will want to help, but whether or not they can is something else entirely. If your parents don’t have savings or live month to month, asking them to fork out thousands will be a rather tall order. It might make them feel bad if they want to help but don’t have the spare funds, so consider this before sitting down to have the conversation.

How much money should you ask for to help pay for your wedding?

Photo © Rebecca May Photography | See their Bridebook profile

There’s no set amount you should ask for. Of course, there are traditions related to what each side of the family pays for, but this might not be possible. It’s important not to go into the conversation by asking for a blank cheque or a random number that you’ll make work. Jumping in unprepared will put you on the back foot and won’t instil in your parents a whole lot of confidence that their money will be put to good use.

How to ask your parents for wedding money: step-by-step guide 

Photo © Damien Vickers Photography | See their Bridebook profile

Below is a step-by-step guide for how to ask your parents to help you pay for your wedding. If you follow these steps, you might find that it doesn’t need to be quite as daunting as you think.

Step 1: Understand how much money you need for your dream wedding

Before you even consider sitting your parents down to ask them for money, you first need to understand exactly what you need. You and your spouse-to-be should generally agree on what you want and don’t want from your wedding. You don’t need to agree on the nitty-gritty at this stage, but you must be at least on the same page. After all, when it comes to the cost of transport, there’s a big difference between hiring a vintage car and a horse-drawn carriage, and when it comes to venues, a castle costs more than double a restaurant.

Establish how much you need to fund your dream wedding. You can do this by using our handy wedding budget tool, which allows you to enter the cost of each part of your wedding. You can also get a great idea of what things cost in our guide to the average cost of a wedding.

Step 2: Look at your own finances

Once you have a rough idea of how much your wedding might cost, take a look at your finances. You both might have some savings, and you should be able to work out how much additional money you can save between now and your wedding. For example, if you can each save £100 a month and your wedding is in two years, that’s almost £5,000 – or about a quarter of the average cost of a wedding. Suddenly, that helps you realise that maybe you won’t have to ask for quite as much as you fear.

To make things easy, let’s imagine your dream wedding is estimated to cost £20,000.

You and your fiance have £5,000 in joint savings, and you estimate that you can save another £5,000 before the wedding. The good news is, you’ve already accounted for half the cost of your wedding! With bonuses and any side hustles you might have, you might be able to scrape together another £2,000.

So, that leaves you with £8,000 to find. That’s still a heck of a lot of money, but it’s a solid amount, not a figure you’ve plucked from nowhere. Now you know what to ask for.

How you decide to split this is entirely up to you and your parents’ finances. Do you split it 50/50 and ask each set of parents for £4,000? Or would it be fair and more achievable to split it 75/25 and ask for £6,000 from one side and £2,000 from the other?

However you decide to split it is up to you. At least now you have an idea as to what you’re going to ask for, which makes for a far easier conversation.

Step 3: Give your parents a heads-up

Before you drop a major bombshell on your parents, it’s only fair to give them a heads-up. If they don’t know what’s coming, you might catch them off guard, which might not lead to the outcome you hope for.

If possible, it’s a conversation to have in person, not over the phone, and especially not via text. But, you can give them the idea that you want to talk about money any way you can. That way, you can present them with everything you’ve put together and you can explain it all in full, which will prevent anything from being misunderstood or misinterpreted.

Step 4: Time for the big talk

If you’ve followed the above steps, when the time comes to have the big money talk itself, it shouldn’t feel quite as intimidating. You’ll know what you want to say and exactly what you’re asking for, which puts you in the strongest possible position.

Start by setting the scene. Take your parents through your plan, including the whats, wheres, whens, whys and hows. Show them how much you think your wedding will cost and how you got to that amount. Remember, our budget tool is a great way to put an accurate amount together.

When it comes to asking your parents for help paying for your wedding, you have two main ways you could approach it:

  1. Ask them for a set amount, such as £5,000.
  2. Ask them whether they would pay for certain vendors, such as the venue or catering.

Either option is fine, but you may find it easier to ask them to pay for certain vendors. Think about it, which of these questions sounds easier to you: ‘Please could you pay for our wedding reception?’ or ‘Please can we have £6,000?’

When asking for money, it’s important to be gracious, open and honest. Don’t expect anything or assume that just because you’re asking nicely it automatically means you’re going to get it. Everyone’s situation is different. If you’re lucky, your family might have been secretly building a wedding fund since you and your partner first got together. Similarly, your parents’ car might have died recently and they drained their savings when they bought a new one. It’s impossible to guarantee any kind of outcome – so prepare to receive any kind of response.

Step 5: Don’t expect an answer there and then

Asking your parents to help pay for your wedding is a big deal, so they may need time to think about what you discussed before agreeing to anything. They may also need to take a look at their finances to see how much they can afford.

Don’t push or press. You might find you have to do just as much listening as you do talking. Also, try not to make your parents feel guilty by expecting them to contribute the same amount – or more – as your partner’s parents.

Step 6: Make sure you clear everything up early on

It’s also worth clarifying with your parents whether the money they offer you is a gift or a loan. Most families will present the money as a gift; however, it’s always best to check. Equally as important, once you have your final budget with all the parental contributions, make sure you don’t come back asking for more money, which would be more than a little awkward. Instead, come back to them with a beautiful thank-you note, to show how much their help is appreciated.

Step 7: Involve your parents as much as they want to be involved

Hopefully, after talking to your parents they’ve agreed to help you pay for your wedding. That’s amazing news! Now you have everything you need to plan your perfect day.

At this stage, you’ll want to make sure your parents are involved in the planning process as much as they want to be. If they’re generous enough to help you pay for certain services and vendors, then it’s important to ask them to come along if they’d like to. For example, if they’re paying for the venue, ask them to check out some of your favourites. If they’re paying for the cake or your caterers, let them come to a wedding tasting with you. They may even want the final say if they’re dropping thousands on a single vendor.

Your parents likely won’t want to be included in everything, but if they’re stumping up a chunk of change, then the least you can do is let them be a part of it in some capacity. The last thing you want to do is take the money and run, which will make them feel a little crummy.

How to ask your parents for wedding money: visual guide

How to Ask Your Parents for Wedding Money: A Visual Step-By-Step Guide
Follow this visual guide to help you talk budgets with your parents

Plan your dream wedding with Bridebook

Once you have an answer from your parents and you know exactly how much budget you’ll have, you can start to plan your big day in earnest.

Here at Bridebook, we have all the tools and resources you could need to plan a fantastic wedding. Sign up and start your planning journey today!

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Happy Planning!

Harry and Meghan’s Wedding Could Cost 2million GBP

 

bridebook.co.uk

 

Today’s couples spend an average of £16,842 on their big day, with the average wedding size being 78 guests for the ceremony and 83 guests for the evening. But Harry and Meghan aren’t like today’s average couples. They’re having everything from bespoke silver plated fanfare trumpets to a “drone destroyer”, so it’s safe to say they will be adding a few extra zeros to their bill.

800 guests are attending the church and then the formal lunchtime reception, followed by a private evening reception for family and friends of about 600 people. However, in a surprise twist, Harry and Meghan invited 2,640 members of the public to celebrate with them at Windsor Castle.

With this is mind, the highest expenditures are likely to be the catering, the dress and the decor. Bridebook.co.uk, the UK’s no.1 wedding planning app and website, has calculated that the overall cost is expected to be over 100 times as much as the national average, at £1,969,873. That’s not including a £120,000 honeymoon or the £30 million expected security costs involved on top!

With a total of 4,040 guests, 17,000 glasses of champagne and wine, 28,000 canapés and an 8-tier banana cake, welcome to the royal wedding!

 

Venue – £350,000

 Luckily for Harry and Meghan, they won’t need to worry about securing a venue like most couples. The ceremony will take place at St George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle and following receptions are expected to be held St. George’s Great Hall, within the castle, and later in a luxury marquee in the Upper Ward grounds of Windsor.

The average UK wedding venue cost is £5,819, and while they don’t need to pay for the venue, they will need to cover a luxury marquee for the reception in the grounds. A luxury glass marquee – like the one Pippa had in her wedding, – will cost £300,000, plus the catering, security and staff adjoining marquees that will be required.

 

Catering – £286,000

The catering costs will mostly be split between the formal lunch reception for state guests and the following dinner reception for close family and friends. Top luxury London caterers will charge at least £100 per guest for a lunch reception and £300 per guest for a dinner reception, including all food, chefs, staffing and crockery hire.

Add the 2,640 members of the public who will be invited to Windsor and give each one a hot tea and a snack (sausage rolls anyone?). At £10 per head, that’s £26,000 on sausage rolls! All in all, this will likely amount to one of the most costly aspects of the wedding.

 

Drinks – £193,000

 The drinks will likely come from the Royal Palace cellars, but that doesn’t mean they’re not worth a hefty amount. Based on the wedding standard of serving one glass of champagne for every 30 minutes of the reception, plus half a bottle of wine per guest per dinner, means they’ll have to provide at least 2,300 bottles to keep their guests happy. We expect roughly 1,700 bottles of vintage champagne to be served throughout the day and at least 650 bottles of wine, whiskey and cocktails to accompany dinner and dancing. Serving such quality drinks to over 800 guests throughout the day doesn’t come cheap, whether you have access to a Royal cellar or not.

A bottle of Bollinger, the Royal Family’s Favourite Champagne, goes for £80 a pop, that means spending £136,000 on champagne alone. Top that with a few bottles of Prince Charles’ favourite 15-year-old Laphroaig Scotch and the multitude of bottles of Tignanello Wine (Meghan’s personal favourite according to her old lifestyle blog, “The Tig”) and the bill certainly adds up. Thankfully Prince Harry’s favourite drink, the exquisite Vodka Redbull, should be the least expensive drink of the evening.

 

Dress – £300,000

Meghan is expected to spend a whopping £300,000 on fashion, with most of the budget going towards her first dress. Meghan has a very distinctive sense of style, oozing confidence and pizzazz. She is therefore likely to opt for a completely bespoke wedding dress so she can have full control over the design from start to finish.

If Meghan sticks to her usual fashion sense, we should expect to see a classic, clean, simple design (which means no beads, embroidery or embellishments) with a high neckline and a signature modern twist. A completely bespoke haute couture wedding dress plus a second dress for the evening could cost  £300k+.

 

Bridebook Survey Facts!

We surveyed 1000+ UK dressmakers and this is what they had to say about Meghan’s dress.

  • 70% of dressmakers predicted that Meghan will wear a silk dress with a sheath cut. Alexander McQueen was the most popular choice for the designer.
  • 91% of dressmakers said that Meghan will most definitely start a new wedding dress style trend, no matter what she chooses to go with.

 

Floristry – £110,000

Floristry is often much more costly than expected, and with at least two locations for the day will also be one of the heftiest costs for the couple. Marquee weddings always require a higher floristry budget as they act as a very large blank space that relies on flowers and decor to build the environments for the big day, with our estimates landing flowers for the marquee alone to cost approximately £70,000. The church will also need to be decorated accordingly, which we expect to be a slightly smaller £40,000 Luxury UK florists such as Lavender Green Flowers (who worked on Pippa Middleton’s wedding) and Nikki Tibbles of Wild at Heart (London’s most sought-after luxury florist based in Belgravia) are the top contenders. The florist of choice is likely to use seasonal, British flowers to decorate both St George’s Chapel and Buckingham Palace with elaborate displays.

Bridebook Survey Facts! 

We surveyed our 1000+ UK florists and this is what they had to say about the Royal Wedding flowers.

  • The star flower at the Royal Wedding will be the Peony. Matching bridesmaids bouquets will also be a must on the big day, with a white and green colour theme throughout.

 

Photography & Videography- £17,000

 Hiring one of the top wedding photographers will cost around £4,500. Dorset-based Millie Pilkington, the private wedding photographer for the William and Kate’s wedding and Pippa Middleton’s, is most likely to be the primary person behind the lens, however, we expect Hugo Burnand to also be involved for official photos, doubling the price to ensure every moment is beautifully captured. Add to that the multiple costly wedding photography books Meghan and Harry will likely request and this price goes far above the £1,600 the average couple spends.

Although the world’s media will be filming every moment of the ceremony, Harry and Meghan are likely to also have a videographer there to capture the day from start to finish. Luxury videographers have teams of cameramen to capture all angles, plus a drone or two.

 

Cake – £50,000

A stunningly-decorated cake from a top cake maker will start from £4,000 and need to be at least 8 tiers to give a slice to each of the 800 guests. Cakes made with fresh fruit are more expensive and we can safely assume this will be the case for Harry and Meghan’s banana wedding cake, which will certainly be topped with other fresh fruits and berries. The couple is also expected to have a second cake at their wedding which will surely bump up the cost.

As for who will be making the cake? Our guess is London-based Fiona Cairns (the royal baker behind the reportedly £80,000 Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s wedding cake) or the society favourite Rosamund Miller.

 

Stationery – £20,000

The wedding will require a number of stationery elements from save-the-dates, to the invitation, the Order of Service, the menus, and the stamps! Invitations from a top stationer will cost around £20 each before the other items are included. However, the bride-to-be used to be a professional calligraphist for celebrity weddings, so if the couple decides to go DIY on this one, they could save a couple of pounds for their luxury honeymoon!

 

Music –  £300,000

From bell ringers to the organist and choirs in the church, to musicians for the reception and a top wedding band and DJ, music will be the center of the entertainment. It’s also likely that a world-famous performer will be flown in to surprise the guests – Prince William and Kate had Ellie Goulding sing their first dance song. Our experts predict one of Harry’s close friends such as Chris Martin from Coldplay or a mutual friend of Meghan’s such as Rihanna could make an appearance.

There have also been rumors that the Spice Girls or even Elton John will be performing at the Royal Wedding. Elton John has been known to charge £80,000 per song at private events, so hopefully, he’ll throw in “Tiny Dancer” for free.

 

Trumpets – £90,000

A royal event wouldn’t be complete without the classic Royal Announcement “dun dun-dun-dun-duuun”. The Ministry of Defence has made a request for 20 silver-plated fanfare trumpets stamped with the Royal Coat of Arms. Made in the same workshop where Will & Kate’s wedding and the London Olympics’ trumpets came from, each bespoke trumpet costs between £3,000 and £6,000. That’s a lot of £££ for trumpets with fancy flags.

 

Decoration and Production – £130,000

For spectacular lighting and production between the Church, Windsor Castle and the marquee, a top London agency such as HRP Production Solutions will likely be taking on the job of adding the absolute wow-factor. From estate wide lighting to furniture and bar hire and amazing dance floors, production is key to transforming venues into something truly jaw-dropping.

 

Wedding Rings – £6,000

Since 1923, it has been a tradition in the Royal Family to use Welsh gold for the wedding ring of the bride. The Queen holds a small amount of gold that is kept in the royal vaults. Royal warrant holder Wartski, with ties to Wales, created Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge’s ring, so could be the same choice of Meghan’s.

Although Prince Phillip and Prince William have never worn wedding rings, Bridebook.co.uk believes Harry will take after his Father and an increasing number of millennial grooms and wear a single gold band. Though Prince Charles wears a ring on the little finger on his left hand, we predict that Harry will choose to wear a band on his fourth finger proving again that he is intent on doing things his own way, proudly showing the world that he has tied the knot with Meghan. This Prince is taken!

 

Bridesmaids Outfits – £5,000

The average cost of a designer bridesmaids dress is £1,000, plus add the custom tailoring Meghan will likely request. The average number of bridesmaids a bride in the UK has is 3.4, and though the Duchess of Cambridge didn’t have any adult bridesmaids, we predict that Meghan will want to have 3 of her close friends as bridesmaids, especially considering it’s a trend in the U.S.

 

Flower Girls and Page Boys Outfits – £1,698

With Prince George and Princess Charlotte due to be center stage as flower girls and page boys, Nicki Macfarlane, who provided the flower girls outfits for the Royal wedding, will likely be back on hand. A page boy outfit will cost around £226 each, and flower girl dresses £340.

 

Church Fees – £175

 St. George’s Chapel is the place of worship at Windsor Castle where the nuptials will take place, and Harry and Meghan will need to pay their marriage fees just like everyone else. The most important part of the day is by far the cheapest!

 

Groomswear – £8,000

 As a qualified Apache Helicopter Commander, Prince Harry is likely to be wearing a tailor-made Royal Air Force uniform to his wedding. The completely bespoke uniform won’t be cheap! Knowing Harry’s sense of style (all the more improved since meeting Meghan) he won’t be satisfied with just one outfit. A custom tuxedo or suit from Savile Row will be sure to push up the costs.

 

Hair and Makeup – £10,000

 No doubt a top team will be on hand to ensure Meghan and the whole bridal party will be looking absolutely radiant. Belgravia’s Neville Hair & Beauty is a favourite of Meghan’s, or she may opt for Hannah Martin of Bobbi Brown and Richard Ward, who did Kate and Pippa’s wedding makeup and hair.

 

Entertainment – £55,000

We expect the Royal Air Force to be involved in at least some part of the wedding day, as well as more traditional wedding entertainment. Whilst guests taking photos is expected to not be allowed at the wedding, a photobooth will be an ideal opportunity to capture the guests at their best. Luxury children’s entertainers, like London’s based Sharky+George who did Prince William and Catherine Duchess of Cambridge wedding, are expected to be on hand to give parents the night off. London can also certainly expect to see some top quality fireworks to close the night.

 

Wedding Favours – £3,000

These lovely little gifts for every wedding guest should not break the bank. We expect something low-key and personal, such as handmade trinkets from Botswana.

 

Toilets – £35,000

Luxury guests require luxury toilets! For all of the church attendees, and the following receptions, luxury toilet rental for at least 800 guests does not come cheap. And let’s not forget those extra 2,640 guests which will likely add £20,000 to the toilet budget!

 

Transport – Free

The Queen has a State fleet which consist of three Rolls-Royces, three Daimlers and two Bentleys, all of which are kept in the Royal Mews at Buckingham Palace. She also happens to have a lovely collection of rare vehicles at her country estate in Sandringham, so the couple will have more than enough to choose from for the very short journey.  And, as a happily married couple for the first time, might adopt a drive in his father’s Aston Martin Volante DB6, from the church to the reception, just like Prince William did.

 

And Finally… The Honeymoon £120,000

Traditionally the groom organises the honeymoon to surprise his new wife whisking her off the day after the wedding, however Bridebook.co.uk sees that more and more couples are choosing to plan their trip of a lifetime together, as well as not always jetting off on day one as husband and wife. Our honeymoon experts predict that Harry and Meghan will break all traditions and escape the frenzy for some alone-time together before they tie the knot, and that they will then whisk a group of party-loving friends away with them to celebrate afterwards, either on safari in Africa or to long-standing friend Sam Branson’s private Caribbean island, Neckar. Sources have also revealed that Meghan will be the one paying for the honeymoon as gift to the Prince and that the cost will be upwards of £100,000. We can’t wait to see where they escape to!

 

BONUS! Security – £30 million

Separate from the wedding are the security costs. A whopping £30 million was spent for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s wedding in 2011. This year’s Royal Wedding will not take place in central London, however, but considering the number of members of the public attending this year’s Royal Wedding and the threats that have been made against the bride-to-be, the security is sure to still be tight, with the expected cost being upwards of £30 million.

Besides the usual snipers on every rooftop and undercover police on the streets, the wedding will be fitted with the latest military technology, including a British counter-UAV system, which will cost at least £1 million. The system will be used to deactivate intruders and sneaky paparazzi drones. Add another £1 million to the budget for the “Drone Destroyer”.

 

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The Ultimate Wedding Budget Breakdown

21 Questions To Ask Your Wedding Venue

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Rock n Roll Bride’s Top Three Secrets to Having a Truly Alternative Wedding

Kat Williams, the brains behind the wonderful Rock N Roll Bride blog, has shaken up the wedding world for the better. With her firm mantra that it should be you that defines your day, not the most popular Pinterest boards, Kat is the hero of all things individual and alternative. So when Kat shared with Bridebook her top 3 tips for having an amazing alternative wedding, we could hardly wait to share it with all of you! Remember, your wedding is all about you as an individual and truly unique couple – so be sure that you show it! Read on for Kat’s inspiring tips:

bridebook..co.uk- alternative couple kiss
Photo by Dale Weeks Photography

1.

Sit down with your other half and discuss the things that define you – is it tattoos? video games? movies? outdoor pursuits? And bring those things into your wedding. The ‘best’ weddings are those that truly reflect the couple, not ones that have things just because they’re popular on Pinterest!

bridebook.co.uk-bride and groom with owl

2.

Get a really great photographer (and if budget allows, videographer). After the wedding those images will become your memories. Don’t scrimp on them. The biggest post-wedding regret I hear is from people wishing they had a better photographer.

bridebook.co.uk-flower crown bride and groom embrace
Photo by Margherita Calati

3.

Wear an outfit you feel fabulous in. It could cost £2000, it could cost £20, it doesn’t matter as long as you feel amazing!

bridebook.co.uk-bride with hat
Dress by Zahavit Tshuba

 Happy Planning!

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Submit a Real Wedding

We love to feature real weddings by photographers with profile listings on Bridebook.com! Please review the details below on how to submit a wedding.  

How to submit a real wedding as a photographer:

  1. Go to your Bridebook Business profile to submit a wedding.

  2. Scroll down to ‘Tools’, and click ‘Real Weddings’ and enter your details.
  3. Upload as many details as you can to make your Real Wedding shine:
  • The title of your real wedding (a short description would be perfect)
  • The name of the couple featured (for example, Rome & Juliet) 
  • A link to your own blog, website or social media
  • A cover photo for the wedding (portrait, colour, non-watermarked, 72dpi)
  • Any other photos which capture the magic of the day 
  • The name of the wedding venue

With regard to wedding style, we aim to publish a selection of culturally diverse weddings from across the UK, ranging in budget, venue type and style.  Couples especially love to see creative personal touches and unique DIY features.

Frequently Asked Questions:

You’ve requested colour photos, but will you publish my black and white photos?

We always prefer to publish colour images on Bridebook.  If black and white photos are part of the photographer’s artistic expression then we will consider them, however, our preference is always for colour images.

I’m a bride/groom, can I submit my own wedding?

At this time we are only accepting real weddings submitted by professional photographers with Business profiles on Bridebook.  As a recently married couple, you can encourage your photographer to create a free profile on Bridebook and then ask them to submit your wedding. 

Can I submit a real wedding that took place outside of the UK?

Bridebook will only publish real weddings that took place in the UK.  Please do not submit a wedding that took place abroad.

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