Best Man Opening Lines
‘Firstly I’d just like to say I’m very nervous about making this speech. In fact this must be the third time today that I have stood up from a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand.’
‘I don’t believe in roasting the groom on his special day. Therefore this speech won’t contain humiliating stories about [groom]. Instead I’ll refer only to his loving and generous nature. Thank you and goodnight.’ (Sit down)
‘Being asked to be someone’s best man is like being called for jury duty. You don’t really want to do it but know you have to.’
‘[groom] has informed me that the buffet this evening is charged on a cost-per-head basis. So, on his behalf, I’d like to thank the following people for not coming…..’
‘It’s been an emotional day……even the cake is in tiers.’
‘My parents always told me that if I had nothing good to say about someone, I should just be quiet (sit down).’
‘Apparently, as Best Man, I’m supposed to sing the Groom’s praises and talk about all his amazing qualities. Unfortunately, I can’t sing and I won’t lie.’
‘The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get the chance to prove it.’
‘This speech will be a bit like [groom]…….short and not very funny.’
‘I am actually a little nervous giving a speech, but I feel comforted by the fact I have actually rehearsed this speech in front of a live audience at the local old people’s home……I think it went well. They all peed themselves anyway.’